family drama

while staying at my hosts place during these weeks the atmosphere has been tense. First, I thought that the silence between family member’s was only a cultural difference, but I soon learned that there were unsolved issues between my friend and his parents. IMHO Indian stance on the parents limiting the choice of partner of their child is not sustainable. I do understand that the (future) welfare of the parents for Indians is at least somewhat dependent on the choice that their children make, and hence they have the interest and even the right to be involved. The ethical problem boils down to the just extent of that involvement. Do children owe their parents so much that maybe the biggest choice of their lives should be done by the parents instead of the person who marries & gets children of his own? IMHO, not. From the biological perspective, love (& further reproduction) is not concern of the parents, but of the children and after the offspring is old enough to survive on its own, the “mission” of the parents is accomplished. no further meddling is required. In the light of western ethics, all people are equal and discrimination against non-indian partners is not an easily defendable position. Indeed, according to my understanding the caste system is crumbling, followed by ever increasing amount of mixed-race marriages. I believe that parents can advise their children on the choice of partner, but the advice should not become an ultimatum or be based on discrimination against skin colour. That said, I do also believe in certain benefits from fixed marriages. For instance, more people are involved in the search for a suitable partner and family connections can be used in bringing people together who otherwise would not have even met or found the courage approach each other. Arranged marriage could also put end to waiting (too long) for the dream prince/princess who might not be attainable in real life and hence allow couples to share life while still young. Summa summarum, the extent of parent’s intervention in traditional Indian culture is too large, but not completely without merits. As the outcome of this clash of cultures I am stranded here and writing a blog entry. Then again I guess nothing would really prevent me from taking the initiative and bodaboda to town own my own to search for what others fight over.